Write a new simple attractive title based on the title from Opinion: Make those difficult end-of-life care decisions before it’s too late and dont use quote marks

It started with a cough, body aches and severe fatigue. The cough was dry. The thermometer read 105 degrees.

On March 21, my husband, Paul, rushed me to Memorial Hermann Katy Hospital near Houston. I tested positive for COVID-19.

What followed were 34 days of anxiety and desperation, knowing that there was no cure or vaccine for the virus that has killed more than 225,000 people in the United States —17,900 in Texas, and 2,815 in the Rio Grande Valley, double the state’s average.

As I lay in a hospital bed, coughing up blood, hallucinating and with no sense of taste, my fear of being trapped in an already overwhelmed hospital was palpable. The thought of dying alone and my failure of not having my advance health care directive or estate planning completed weighed heavily on me. I did not know how much worse I was going to get, and I feared the uncertainty of it all.

I called our attorney to get my affairs in order.

I thank God I survived. Then my mom, brother, sister and three of my sibling’s children contracted the coronavirus. After my mom was intubated for two weeks, she died alone in a cold hospital room in my hometown of Brownsville on July 30.

I thank Jesus for helping me survive this horrible illness, and I pray to God that my Latino and Hispanic brothers and sisters and all people who are suffering will survive this pandemic. Unfortunately, Hispanics and Latinos and people of color are dying at a disproportionate rate from the coronavirus compared to other Americans.

One thing I wished I had done before getting sick and being hospitalized was to fill out and share my advance care directive with my family and health care providers. This document spells out what care you do and don’t want and designates a proxy to make medical decisions for you in case you can’t speak for yourself.

Throughout my recovery process, I found an online bilingual COVID-19 toolkit available to help understand my end-of-life care.

Creating an advance directive is something every person should do, and it’s critical as the country faces the pandemic that we take time to make these difficult life decisions.

I wish my mom would have talked to us about her end-of-life care wishes.

This pandemic reminds us how important it is to talk to our loved ones about what we want in case we get the coronavirus or another serious diagnosis, like cancer or dementia. We must take responsibility for our own end-of-life wishes, so we don’t leave these heart-wrenching life and death decisions in the hands of our family and doctors, who may not know what we want.

As children, we are told that we must always “prepare” for the loss of our parents. But how can one prepare for the death of a parent who died alone in a cold hospital room? COVID-19 stole those precious final days and hours with mom.

How do I know her end-of-life care was what she wanted? How can I recover from the nightmares of mom crying the name of her children who could not be there to hold her hand with a final “I love you?” How can I recover from the thought of mom laying in a hospital bed, coughing up blood like I did when I nearly died from this horrible virus?

Mom was put to rest on Aug. 18. Mom looked like herself — beautiful. Her services, although limited due to COVID-19, were a powerful reminder of the incredible person that she was.

Mariachis sang as my husband and brothers, clad in black masks, carried the cherry-colored casket from the hearse. The trumpets blasted throughout the cemetery as mariachis sang her favorite songs. We cried as we celebrated her life and all that she did for every one of us.

I feel numb. I am angry. Things that once seemed important are now trivial.

Mom’s death left me in an emotional limbo and a guilt that only God knows if I will ever overcome.

Just last week, as I cuddled my son, Max, before going to bed, he lit my mom’s candle. She loved her Virgencita de Guadalupe (Virgin of Guadalupe). Mom had many similar candles, but this one is special. It has been in our life for many, many years. We bought her at the dollar store and she is priceless. I love her.

Every night, Max turns on the candle. As she lights up, I feel my mom’s presence. I hear her beautiful voice telling me “Dios te bendiga mijita, (God Bless you, my little one).”